Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend - Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums 6

On the final Summer S’mores special, Conan and the Chill Chums discuss who Conan should expect to see at his own funeral.

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Content Keywords: time piece craftspeople spear
00:00:05
I'm not a great cook. I really I'm not I'm just terrible actually you have and it was really good appreciate that really nice, but I'm not a good cook. I'm not a good couple to buy you grow. You can cook. No, but I made eggs the other day. I made the in Fleming eggs with your more butter than eggs. It's disgusting. I never heard of that. What is being Ian Fleming? It's like what he has James Bond eat as scrambled eggs, but he himself love but they're their heart Killers, you know, he's always being locked inside ya volcano. So he just figured I was going to eat all the butter I can cuz no screw it. He said anyway, if you're having trouble if you're like me, guess what you can get fresh.

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00:03:26
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00:03:58
Back to school ring the bell tennis shoes walking blue kind of fence books and pens.

00:04:13
Tell whether we are going to be friends.

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Hello there.

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discounted O'Brien

00:04:27
welcome to

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assert installment

00:04:32
Text sorry now. I'm not chill anymore. I was so chill. How is trying so hard to be chill and now I'm you but she'll keep it together you got those. Hey, I just got corrected by Sona wearing a heart rate monitor. My heart rate went from 45 beats a minute to 210.

00:04:54
Speakers Sona corrected me, but I'm bringing it down right now. Everything it down. Here we go. Here we go. Welcome to be sixth installment of Summer s'mores with Conant and the chill Chums. I are trying to bait me and irritate me. It's like someone hitting the Hulk with a pool cue try and get him mad. I guess that would be Bruce Banner with a pool cue to get him to turn into the hole, but I'm not going to do I am going to stay calm because I've been criticized in the past for being to Taipei to aggro maybe too funny to talented. So I'm just going to keep it calm and I'm here and I'm talking to Sona movsesian. Hey Conan, how are you?

00:05:54
I have no comment on what how you're behaving in this episode because how you behave is just you doing you that's why you can't change the chill suppose. You can't heart rate Rising slightly, but now it's going to back down again. We have the hottest time in summer right now. People are really feeling the Heat and so this is just an opportunity for us to get together hang be Breeze and that's with the belly breathe use the belly breath that means

00:06:30
In through the nose. What was that noise but I feel like I can I can very easily test this if you can really be chill but isn't it crazy that the CIA killed Robert Kennedy Robert Caro could write a book to save his life. Yeah overrated The Beatles suck ya entitled to pretty good huh? And you know, I may not share those opinions, but I respect you guys. I love you, and I'm now just feeling the vibrations of the Earth the harmony of the planets as they spin and resolve and their Cosmic dance impressive and I am me.

00:07:30
I am I I am all I need model airplanes are stupid and the people who do them are looser than we made to only made it to that made to model. That's what networks than you told us about. I made about 8 years ago a wooden model as heart rates Rising Wright brothers 1903 original flyer and it hangs above my desk during quarantine quarantine. I got an old delos model and I made a stop with camel.

00:08:02
What do I do this podcast with you know, why do I do with you? Let's go back. Let's talk about happier times risk of its going to I can talk about how I'm optimistic so I know what do you think I like it? Okay, if you're like a balloon that was slightly inflated being D inflated that what you said when asked you to marry me to go people. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. I like this idea. I'm behind it. Here we go. Okay. I'm going to say something that no one saying I'm optimistic. I'm optimistic is as some of you may may or may not know my

00:09:02
Father is a scientist and he's a very rational guy and although yes, we've all been through a lot and there is a terrible news after terrible news really believe that science is going to come to the rescue. I really do I believe that in my heart. I believe it's science is going to come to the rescue and there's going to be something maybe even sooner than we let me think that's going to maybe be at if not a vaccine and a really good palliative cure. And so I don't know. I just been trying to feel optimistic lately that yeah, we've got a socially distance we've got to wear masks but I'm optimistic I talk to people especially younger people that don't have a lot of frame of reference that just think will I guess this is life now and I think no it's not that's not it's not going to be life. We you know terrible things that happened before and I always say cheer up terrible things will happen again since you can't even imagine

00:10:02
Dirigo know you weren't and here it is. So don't you worry awful awful things are coming that you could never imagine. So cheer up not many people want to keep talking to me after that optimistic. What do you guys think of that message? Yeah. I love science in a big fan of science. I feel like we should just get out of its way as it is long as it's, you know, doing its thing there people that are science deniers why I can't see it. So then I'm just going to take your word for it that it's true. Meaning. I can't see covid-19 only one person who got Cove it's so screw you I'm going to a bar what makes me angry is that would respect people like that more if they were anti-science across the board, but they're not they're very happy to jump on a plane and go someplace right? They're very happy to jump in their in their in their car their truck the very happy to drink beer there really happy to have a million things are happy to do that are all basically the product of science. So they picking

00:11:02
Is there just choosing like I don't like this part of science. I'm not going to do it but they're more than happy to take advantage of all the science that went into you know complicated is to make beer you need a nuclear reactor. I need plutonium you need a radium. It's a very complicated and kind of beer you drink told me it was beer and I had it for a while you're drinking the coolant from a nuclear power plant and maybe I'm not drinking beer. It was this physicist. I meant about 6 years ago, and I never really tried beer before and he said try this and I said, it's this beer and he said sure just drink as much at this as you can and I have and I can travel through time. I can't get the image out of my head of peeing like a lightsaber. What's really cool is I went to a urinal

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Osprey Cove it at a sporting event and I was peeing in the urinal and I really try and get up close to the urinal cuz I get self-conscious about my my urine stream which as you we now know is ionized looks like a lightsaber because of the plutonium. I've been drinking which someone told me was a spear as a prank. I suppose and Nick Cage Nicolas Cage come steps up to the euro next to me. Hey, Nick Cage was good to see you too. You're looking good. And as I do I always check out a guy's junk when I'm in a urinal know what's going on. It's always good to know who's packing what and I looked down and he's got the same beam coming out of his urine stream Nick. Are you drinking an ionized fluid that sandwich hold you with beard is Jimmy Stewart You're Next.

00:13:02
Married, whatever it's called. I love that movie Mary. I love you necklace. I did a Nicolas Cage impression. He said yeah that stuff too and I've been drinking it for years and then for fun just started to have a lightsaber battle, you know right there in the bathroom fight. Well it was with the urine streams. They were ionized. Does it make the sound to look at and people were like coming in the bathroom use the bathroom and seeing this going on if you were like, oh my God, Nick Cage and Conor O'Brien or having an ionized urine saver fight and work out around in. It just was fucking crazy. It was nuts is your dick touch was it now? They can't the beans are too long. It. Did it accidentally like slapped slap into one another.

00:14:00
Free time and I know they can't this wasn't just something this is ionized being that you and Nicolas Cage agreed-upon to have an excuse to just do this thing together. I'm telling you what happened. This is an Abyssal story and the fact that we later hung out a lot spend time together. It's Palm Springs together, but we had to we were kicked out because our our beams set the roof on fire in a master bedroom. So they were asked to leave your beams did I started with a heartfelt expression of optimism about how this crisis will lift and a better time is coming and then I don't know how this happened. But now it's a Nick Cage on the Brian why you did that urine ionized laser fight. So, you know your instrument

00:15:00
They used to be a bad word until Sully sullenberger. So you just said you selling it and to me that means I brought the conversation which I stalled into miraculous landing and saved all three of us. So thank you when they make a movie out of this podcast. Tom Hanks will play you can be the best piece of nice guy and the people always say that I'm telling you. I've known him since 1988 and you know, when you add up all the time that I've been I've been around him. I've only see him be a gracious really nice fascinating guy when you guys were talking about World War I could have listened to you guys go on for hours ago to icons of Fillmore talking you don't use one of them go for a Nikon film. I was cut out of the Coneheads movie. What were you in the background?

00:16:00
Lorne Michaels wanted is what I was talking about doing the Late Night show and and he went up a meeting with me and then he just was like just I'll meet you at Paramount or whatever and I went okay, and I went to Paramount tennis in your apartment. Anyway, just be in the background of this Coneheads movie We're making of the Coneheads movie cuz the best time to make a movie about the Coneheads is 25 years after it's been a huge fan on television. Anyway, he said just be in the background and I went you don't say no to Lauren I went okay and then and then, you know when you're done doing that and they're putting a big cone on my head and then I walk out and those things are ridiculous. They're really heavy. You can't maneuver and I'm tall. Anyway, I'm 64 or 75 and then I was like, oh man, this is really painful. I'm just going to lie down and this person with a headset in the Clippers that don't lie down. You can't lie down you have to keep

00:17:00
Standing until you're seeing is shot because you'll ruin the cone and I'm literally it's like a crowd scene and I'm in the background. You don't even know it's me and I'm thinking I just was here to talk to get over there and wait and in 40 minutes will throw some ground chuck your way. And so I'm waiting and then turn them in the background and I go okay action. I mean, I'm so far from the camera that I can't even see the camera and I hear you know, Dan Aykroyd say, okay will do that one more time in 6 hours everyone. Leave no one lie down. And then finally I shot the scene. Of course, I never use that seen any pictures exist of you and you're coming read sent me this black and white photo and you see me in the background and his account. Do I have it? No, I don't care. If I do. It's like a Citizen Kane Vault where I've just thrown I don't get

00:18:00
Rid of anything but honestly when someone in Finland and is a true story makes me or Sweden makes me a guitar out of a bathroom scale and send it to me with a really cool note. I'm not going to throw that out of me to keep that. It's just that it can't stay in my house. So I have a giant Warehouse that's filled with The Madness of my insane life. And when I'm gone, someone probably stone is going to be there throwing things into the fire pit to get rid of them. And there's going to be one shot of her lifting a black and white photograph of me way in the background wearing a cone in an edited scene that was never that never aired from the 1993 Coneheads movie and show toss it on the fire and next to the next to the guitar electric guitar that's made out of real 1960s bathroom scale on elbows burst into flame and stone will turn right to Cameron's say what a wasted life and then Bienville come up when you think of that story.

00:19:00
your will

00:19:02
Yes, you are. Okay, then fine, then I'll help you.

00:19:16
You want me to empty out your storage unit. You'll be you'll be dead. Like why would I do that? If I'm not getting a boatload of money or a house in mind something there death. It's yours. Truly. That is something it's so up my alley when you hear like, yes, it happened at Sea and they didn't find the body. You know that I'm still alive. That's okay. And so yeah, so because I really do want to attend my own eulogy and be hit in the background and I want to watch what everybody says and bitterly take notes. Oh my God, like who comes who doesn't show up? What kind of celebrities like it's going to be Kato Kaelin? And kyrah. This one is Taylors were the pallbearers online comments about yourself, but you want to be at your funeral. That's sounds

00:20:16
The chances of someone saying something nice or so much better at a funeral people University say good things at a funeral. I will be there my first time you here I'm gone. It will be faked and then I'll come back and people are going to be so pissed when I come back. I'm not even going to be happy in the first place. And then when I do my big guess what I'm here after all because of West and like half a cup is going to be like we'd even read the story that you were gone. What are you talking about? And I'll be like, yep. Stop your crying. I'm still here. What are you going to do? When in that time when your Dad where are you going to go? And what you going to do to find out what Jim Morrison did when he faked his death and do the same thing. I'll probably be in Paris. I'll probably be walking around and really tight leather pants that don't look good and I'll just be a sort of wandering poet.

00:21:09
I might learn a trade I might learn to repair air conditioners or something and I'll just live a very quiet life and every now and then someone will say Hey, you look sort of like and I'll go yeah, yes, and I'll say that actress and I know you mean the talk show host Conan and they be like who is Conan know? I'm thinking of the actress. What's your name? What is your name? By the way Hold Us win and I'll go no. No, I'm Conan and I got really pissed if you come here funeral and it's totally against your wishes were having a massive Irish wake everyone's drunk and having a good time and celebrating and stuff wouldn't that hurt your feelings for any other culture? You'd get cancelled. You know what everyone will be drunk cuz it's Irish Lucky Charms and drinking and pouring pouring and Whiskey on a group that we know.

00:22:09
You won't get you won't get canceled for that because everyone's like go at it with the Iron Fists. Probably true. No, I hope you are having a good time when I wonder whatever. I don't know who's going to speak first if it's Spielberg or they're extra from Coneheads.

00:22:30
Yeah and Bill Spielberg.

00:22:34
Bill Spielberg Your Life Insurance Grand Hanks go. I want the newspaper to say Spielberg was there Hanks was there all the biggest Beyonce was there? But it's Joe Beyonce.

00:22:57
Anyway, the Coneheads story. I don't think I've told that for so that's out there now. Maybe they'll be a director's cut some day of the Coneheads movie and online to see if there's a hue-and-cry for a director's cut of the Coneheads movie. But now I have to come out yet. Can you imagine if any time anybody came to the show like my accountant or someone who's just there to maybe talk about doing an internship or something? I said look I can't talk to you right now. But while you're here, we're going to put you into a very heavy Prosthetics and you'll be in the background of a sketch and you won't get paid the comedy on our show to it's like you're just going to get into a Prosthetics and then someone's going to I don't know their shit at you and now you just have to stand there and they don't do that kind of Comedy roasts. Throw extra minute people. We might fire a dildo at them. We might dress them is Chewbacca and then have a guy dressed as Gandhi swing down on a rope.

00:23:57
And Tackle Chewbacca, and then fire dildos it both of them, but we wouldn't just throw excrement on someone that's not a fair depiction of what we do get right? I'm sorry. I'm sorry apology accepted. Yeah, it's the dildos. So you have your accountant come get it and when you fire them they wobble.

00:24:17
They're not it's not an accurate ballistics. They they don't chew Baka Chewbacca and they hit the guy dressed as Gandhi. Anyway, that's a comedy sketch. I hate it when you just say, oh, we throw extra many people know where we are craftspeople. We are also people we are not trying to demean what I do you're doing but I'm not demeaning what you do or you said dildos. I'm just saying we're dildo people. I'm part of that machine. So cool. We should probably and this episode I just really does and the six episodes of Summer s'mores with Conan The Chill jams and it's been it's been a nice hang just like we're going home from summer camp. Do you have any kind of sadness or as I mean, I'm ready to get back home. I was always really happy to leave summer camp. I was always so happy to leave summer camp.

00:25:17
It was one of those kids that got home sick. So I was happy to go. I was happy to go home. Was very excited when I knew that my trunk was packed all the clothes that my mom had written my name in my mom still writes my name in my clothes and it's nice. He's got into a depression away from the house. I just had so much fun at summer camp. It was such a fun time and I was like, I don't want this to end so you to be depressed after the sensor.

00:25:53
You know where we're coming to an end. But an end is always just an excuse for New Beginning. That's the way I look at it and I'm excited about the new season of Conan O'Brien needs a friend and talking to those celebrities. You know, I like talking to you too. I really do but I love talking to people that are famous and important that Society has deemed are better than than normal people. That's my favorite part of the podcast. So cuz that makes me feel better about myself, you know, you know, I like you guys a lot. I really do. I'm just saying when I get to talk to people who are famous IE better than normal people. It's like a real treat for me and I think a treat for the listener, I'm not putting you guys down at all as long as non famous people go as non famous regular.

00:26:53
People go you're fine. You're solid C + B - people, but when I get a chance, those are passing grades when I get a chance to talk to a celebrity, which we do on Conan O'Brien needs a friend. You can probably hear in my voice and then you see the response online people like, oh my God demigods people have come with gold liquid gold in their veins The Chosen who are in the tabloids so that you know people that are occasionally mentioned like me occasionally and Us magazine. Sorry. I love you guys. I really do but yeah, I don't know and I also and I didn't mean it was just literally it came up in my in my chat section of my my computer. It was mentioned by Adam sacks that you should probably say something human like you love them at the end and it just came up. So yeah, I do love you guys, but whatever. I'm just reading off they tell me every now and then to show human emotion.

00:27:53
And human emotion human emotion human emotion, and I can't wait in the words human emotion. I don't agree with some of that shows human emotion. Yes. Yes how to behave these are social cues because she wants me to seem like really human at the end of December is more so which is next one. I'll miss I miss you guys and I look forward to us getting back together don't mention that. This is a token us to mention that anyway you guys here in a lot to me in a lot. So now I'm going to miss you. I'm really going to miss you too. I am close to each other.

00:28:53
What time is that? The 171 is at the 252 Adam. Can you send another message please to be human?

00:29:06
Seems like you live in a bubble when you talk about not.

00:29:12
knowing other parts of LA it is not you in the best light it goes against your good guy brand so

00:29:24
Just be happy for people that don't live in your neighborhood and act as if you may someday go there you're reading this into the microphone stopped. Okay? Okay. Okay, I love where you guys live and once I get you no adequate once I get my shots and the correct currency to that area. I'll be by okay.

00:29:50
How many weeks off do we have till the new episode about a year 52 American weeks? Come on, I don't think I think are podcasts tonight. I don't mean this to sound self-centered. I think the stock market would collapse if we're going out to come to Brian needs a friend was not coming back for a year. We are heroes. We are nothing short of American Heroes. I just want to say I think fast enough Adam making a podcast where we I'm gone Adam let her know we've lost all our advertisers.

00:30:46
All right. Well anyway, I in all sincerity dropping my 35 facades. I don't even know who's the real me anymore. I'm hoping I get to talk to you really soon cuz I'd like to you and I am looking forward to starting up Conan O'Brien needs a friend and I again, I hope you guys are too.

00:31:06
Yes to the audience. I wasn't I was looking I'm in my room by exactly what I'm talking to a pop doll. It's a Conan pop doll that Andy Richter got my God. You've been talking to yourself an artist artist turned into a zombie. It's your Dorian Gray and I was looking right at that when I said I can't wait to see you again.

00:31:40
Say that in channel. Does Potbelly's talking about it's fashion, but I had to sort of sell the idea that I miss you guys and I love you and you're a big part of my life. But if I'm looking at you on Zoom, I can't do it. I had to go method. So I stared across the room at this pop doll, but an artist Mahesh Bhatt Andy Richter gave me it's deck on a bobtail has been turned into a zombie is what I was looking at.

00:32:15
Enabled me to channel true love and affection as opposed to you guys. Look at him looking around. It's like you giving a sincere kind thought takes the life force away from something unless there is a representation of me a three-dimensional representation of me in the room. That's half and half zombie which is after all the truest representation of me will leave you with that chew on as you enjoy the rest of your summer. We will see you very soon. We won't actually see you that's not a podcast work and even I know that but we will join you in the cosmic pods fear very soon and continue the Journey of Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Goodnight.

00:33:03
Good luck better times are on the way.

00:33:13
Let's hold this silence for 2 hours. Brian needs a friend with Sona movsesian and Conan O'Brien as himself produced by me Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris been in a Dire Wolf theme song by The White Stripes incidental music by Jimmy vivino are supervising producer is Aaron Blair & R Associates Talent producer is Jennifer samples the shows engineer by will becton. You can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a feature episode. Got a question for, call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message if you could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend on Apple podcast Stitcher or wherever find podcasts are downloaded.

00:34:08
This has been a team Coco production in association. With who?

00:34:20
This has been a team Coco production in association with Earwolf.

00:34:20
This has been a team Coco production in association with Earwolf.

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