The Tim Ferriss Show - #450: Books I've Loved — Neil Strauss

Books I've Loved — Neil Strauss | Brought to you by Audible.Welcome to another episode of The Tim Ferriss Show, where it is my job to sit down with world-class performers of all different types—from startup founders and investors to chess champions to Olympic athletes. This episode, however, is an experiment and part of a shorter series I’m doing called “Books I’ve Loved.” I’ve invited some amazing past guests, close friends, and new faces to share their favorite books—the bo

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Optimal minimum altitude I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking.

I'm a cybernetic organism living tissue over metal endoskeleton.

Books, I've Loved on the Tim Ferriss show is exclusively brought to you buy audible there couldn't be a better sponsor for the series. My dear listeners in reeders. I've used Audible for so many years as long as I can. Remember. I love it Audible has the largest selection of audiobooks on the planet. I listen when I'm taking walks. I listen while I'm cooking I listen whenever I can and if you're looking for a place to start I can recommend three of my favorites. The first is the Tao of Seneca by Seneca. If you want to hear my favorite letters of all-time touches on stoic philosophy calmness under dress Etc. The next is the graveyard book by Neil Gaiman Gaiman one of my favorites, even if you're a nonfiction purest, this is the fiction book that you need to listen to Neil also has press the most calming voice of all time in third grade mcewan's essentialism subtitle. The disciplined pursuit of less. This is one

Favorite books the past few years combines very well with the 80/20 principle but more on Audible every month on remember to get one credit for any audiobook on the site plus a choice of multiple audible originals from a rotating selection. They also get access to Daily News Digest from the lights the New York Times Wall Street Journal and the Washington post as well as guided meditation programs and here are some other amazing audible features now use a bunch of these and you can download titles and listen offline anytime anywhere. I use this feature even when I could get access I'll put my phone on airplane mode setting when I get bothered with notifications and I'm taking a walk to clear my head and you can listen to titles offline in a case like that or on a plane or whatever. Obviously I'm not flying much these days the app is free and can be installed on all smart phones and tablets. You can listen across devices without losing your spot and Whispersync is another feature. I use quite a lot. I love reading my Kindle in bed for instance then picking.

At the same exact spot where I left off when I go walking and listening the next day Kindle and audio versions can be synced up automatically is just amazing. And if you can't side with listen to don't sweat it you have to rush you can keep your credits for up to a year and use them for instance to binge on a whole series. If you like audible offers just about everything podcast guided Wellness programs, the actual performances playlist comedy and audible Originals. You won't find anywhere else. And right now audible is offering you guys. That's Tim Ferriss show listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership and again my list if you want to check them out the Tao of Seneca the graveyard book essentialism. Those are just three there so many good ones out there just go to Kim and browse the unmatched selection of audio programs then download your free title and start listening that easy to check it out. Go to Tim or text Tim t i

To 500 500 to get started today. Check it out. Tim.

Hello boys and girls. Ladies and germs, this is Tim Ferriss. Welcome to another episode of the Tim Ferriss show where does usually my job to sit down with world-class performers of all different types startup Founders investors chess Champions Olympic athletes, you name it to tease out the habits that you can apply in your own lives. This episode. However is an experiment and part of a short-form series that I'm doing simply called books. I've Loved I've invited some amazing past guests close friends and new faces to share their favorite books describe their favorite books the books that have influence them change them transform them for the better and I hope you pick up one or two new mentors in the form of books from this new series and apply the lessons in your own life. I had a lot of fun putting this together inviting these people to participate and have learned so so much myself. I hope that is also the case for you, please enjoy.

Thank him for having me back to talk about some of my favorite books and I wanted to do something different today, which is I wanted to recommend some books that I've never recommended before on this podcast and that I haven't heard other people recommending things that people may not know about I want to turn people into some new stuff. That's like so Central to me. So my criteria were what are the books for the underlined the most amount of things some of these books. I'm going to recommend I literally have underlining or marks on every single paid that I have a kind of valve system. I used to mark up books depending on the residence of the idea and different things going on in the book. The second thing is brought together these books sort of

Compass like the body of what I think right now the kinds of things that I write about and post on Instagram and teach and coach and have had so much value in my life and change them that me to walk you into them, Say the simplest book to the most complex from one. That's just so easy to read to one that's almost like a textbook set for any of these start the beginning and see how far along you get high. I love all of these in a really great on the path to understand yourself and who you are and the obstacle to getting her way and where you self-sabotage in relationships and ultimately real freedom.

The first author is Cheri Huber and I wanted to tell you about her past but I looked it up online and I can't find it in there. So I don't know if it's public but as a child Sherry probably faced, what are the worse, a young person can ever go through and she'd only survived it. She became a Buddhist monk and of all the people I've ever met in my life. I think she's one of the most Center wise powerful presence is I've ever been around there's just something about her that I can buy. I would like to get to one day. I really would like tons of books. I love to read everyone that are books are very simply written. They should distilled to Pure wisdom almost like a wise Mentor is giving you the advice there aren't like supporting arguments and footnotes and research studies is just like the wisdom from the eye of the mountain Suffern a unique font where part of the story in the power of the impact of the words is done.

Through the font and style of writing changing as well as the illustrations by June shaver or could be shiver by the illustrator in a book. So really looked through all our books to read anything, but I'll share with you the two that had the biggest impact on me. That's the only to have read the rest but I started with a fear book and fear book is so powerful because so many of us have a certain area where fear and doubt and uncertainty get in our way and the book walks you through the idea of of of how to embrace them and movie on them and offered his hairy counterintuitive. But so true I highly recommend as for dealing with it. I want to go redo one quote from it. I learned a couple quotes from it.

Our basic idea. Is that moving toward your fears and getting past them the path to freedom and I love this part.

Are books by the way are very short hundred fifty pages in Most states. If you no longer believe what fear tells you you will live and it will not that is a point on a spiritual journey that almost nobody gets passed when that terrorizes like it's backed into a corner and some matter of its survival are yours almost nobody has to require combination of Courage desperation willingness to stand up to it when this forcing you that is controlled and motivated you all your life is screaming. If you do that you're going to die very few people are going to say well iced tea to find out if that is true or if that is so she right. That's why it's so important to remember that projection is going on what's being screaming to paraphrase a little bit. So it kind of stinks in what's really being screened here is if you stay with his fear, I will die.

Fear the eagle guy and that's true. It will die its life is your death its death is your life.

It's so good. It's really about letting go of the stuff that hold you back. You're so attached to it just isn't serving you this keeping me from being free and keeping me from being yourself. And here's one last little bit from the book you can do right now. So good do something you fear not to conquer the fear not to accomplish a task, but to familiarize yourself with the process with which fear protect itself to demystify it. I love it. I always say have tennis podcast before become a scientist of your own Lowe's and it's the same become a scientist to fear. It's it's almost like. Paul survival mode for so many things that we think our survival threat, we treated like survival threats and we go start fighting like her life is in danger when it isn't so it's a great team mystifying empowering book is called the fear book. The other book of Harry Huber's I recommended I'm pulling out now as we speak is be the person you want to find relationship and self-discovery and the title kind of says it all and I love this.

Because it's exactly my philosophy on relationships, which is a few want to meet a better person then become a better person and this is like this beautiful book that really elegantly sort of wings at the way from these crazy relationship. Miss we have in his expectations about their partner's head up against I believe boldly saying that the book is about you taking 100% responsibility for yourself all the time. And and I really think of everybody should read this book and really live by it things would go so much better if it's about things are going to get into later and then with the next set of books about how much of our childhood sort of story is we end up playing out on her partner. And then again, I'm just read one part then we'll move on. I mean this book is so good and instead of underlying lines. I've literally like Mark entire Pages. These are two of the pages and again it flies by Too Short book.

The sad strange unfortunate dysfunctional part of life. By the way. I'm going to paraphrase a couple days just do it make sense out of context the sad strange unfortunate dysfunctional part of life is that as adults most of us are still trying to survive childhood. So I have become the person I believed as a child. I needed to become notary to make it to adulthood. I'm an adult in an intimate relationship and I'm suffering. Is it traumatic? I have pets consciously or not. Someone is going to relive part of my childhood with me. It's going to play the parts of opposite met someone else did back then I'm going to suffer the same way. I did as a child and I'm going to use the same survival mechanisms.

And right there is literally it doesn't matter. What's recurring Prowler having a relationship. That is the reason why and this book is he passed them. I love it by the recommended next authors to remove sort of one level up on Thursday like typical to read or advancing the concept but also very very accessible books there by Pia mellody. I'm going to recommend to books and we'll start with facing co-dependence and codependency the word that's used a lot but really rarely understood and this book isn't just about relationships for me. What it is is it presents a model of trauma that to me has been key to understanding my life and to helping others and is really like changing it hears was passing about Pia mellody. She doesn't do TED Talks at least as far as I know. I just have a big social media presence if you want it. All he doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry. She was I believe a nurse at the impatience of the rehab facility call The Meadows and started to develop her own system base.

The number of different therapies and tools and it's really powerful if I was to say hey, if you really want to change what modality going to hit that word what modalities should do for should you follow I say checking the key and Melodies work? I was called pit post induction therapy. I think that's what it's called what it stands for. But her whole idea is your childhood is a hypnotic induction. If you're being served indoctrinated like a cult and your Den to be unbrainwashed unhypnotized is start living your true and free life, but elegant idea the great part about facing co-dependence besides has expiration what codependency is why it happens how it happens that assigns patterns. There's also a breakdown the end of how she defines trauma and its way to serve self-diagnose, and I was going to check out the contents right here.

Give me the new parent is also a parenting book. She talks about the nature of a child. How a child has these rights. I thought about it with my child has have raised him that to be spontaneous to be protected to be I love this line Perfectly Imperfect. Now the word some parents expect. I shall be perfect in that sort of a form of trauma when they're not allowed to make mistakes or birther mistakes are two things that are certain age appropriate and then she talks about abuse generational abuse and then breaks down trauma to these different categories of physical abuse sexual abuse emotional abuse the election of you spiritual abuse in the main thing about these is it sounds obvious when you read it. She defines of uses any time a child has a dependency needs not met that creates abuse. So a quick example of spiritual. Do you say cement with it is when a parents

Have to always be right there parents always right they can never be wrong. They can never be corrected and she sees out of the for my spiritual abuse because my parents playing God the parent becomes a child higher power that creates such a deep insecurity and Upon a Child in terms of their reality. In fact, I thought these people often resistant to work with because they feel like to say anything negative about their parents is like laughing and God it's fascinating for highly recommended the second book 3 next in this one is more about relationships, but I love it. Definitely something that's quite a lot of value of my life in terms of break. The pattern is called facing love addiction and it's really about the love addict and a love avoidant and this is probably like probably 75% relationship to some degree. I'm just throwing it out ballpark, but what happens is one person a relationship is more needy and one person is more resentful.

And I don't begin that way it begins in this flowering of love and projection and then eventually this pattern place out where one person needs more. The other person wants to give less and left out a person gives the more the other person needs and isn't eating his resentment pattern that eventually plays out and blows up in negative ways often sometimes when I know people who have been their partner if I have enough air for a long time and I never saw it there off in the haze of Love addiction where they're holding on to this fantasy. It's a powerful book. I love these both really read. These multiple times ain't no have no understanding of the Matrix about relationships work as Pia mellody facing co-dependence in facing love addiction.

What's the next book is not for everyone that it's for certain percentage of people here? I'm among its target audience. And I don't think I'm supposed to target audience. When I first heard about it. It's called silently seduced by Kenneth Adams and it's related to that Pia mellody books. I mentioned earlier and specifically for those who've experienced enmeshment enmeshment is not aware this off and you summon explain it super quickly if the opposite of Abandonment so abandonment as we all know is a parent to somehow not meeting a child needs weather emotional physical protection being absent, whatever it may be in measurement is when a child

Meeting a parent needs and we don't talk about it because abandonment is disempowering you feel disempowered help us find her bowl. No one there enmeshment is falsely empowering you feel the child like you have power because you're there for your parent a parent who lives for a child who needs a child accomplishment to make up their own accomplishments who has apparently been dieting used to over control the child a parent who's lonely or has a bad marriage or is going through a divorce and it's using the child after their own narcissistic reasons or to get back as a parent or just that nobody's talked to there. So many ways that I met her at work and here's here's a little rule of thumb that abandoned you feel bad about yourself with a measurement is generally feel sorry for the parent. So if you ever the moment we felt sad or sorry for your parent, that probably was a mess when going on a member interview with Jay Leno.

And talk about comedy and he became comedians his mom was depressed and he was always trying to cheer her up that's investment and silently seduced you for the for the measurement that they call shockingly emotional. Incest. Remember when I book The Truth came out after O2 editorial from New York Times and emotional incest and it wasn't printed to such a shocking term. It shocked me when it was used to diagnose me. But what it is is it when a child is use not sexually by their parents when a child used emotionally by the parent becomes an emotional partner to them that often as a parent who's in a troubled relationship with the child emotional partner as my mom 100% in with me. She'd sit there in my room and talk to my father. Remember she actually said Neil never grow up to make in on this miserable as your father makes me what you really really want in a relationship for a while. I felt like somebody was sad or what it wasn't happy. I would just serve and the relationship. So what happens with people who are in May

They want love they want relationships then they get in a relationship and they feel suffocated. They feel trapped and they sabotage it or want to get out of it. Somehow house is crazy intimacy attraction that avoidance pattern usually and the great book about it. It walks you through it explains the cases and then give you steps to break a pattern. So highly recommended silently seduced by Kenneth Adams if this is appropriate to you or someone you dated in the past two or someone you care about it's a good gift that definitely given me at least a hundred this way. I love this next author. I'm just not start with this quote.

He meaning the type of man. He's talking about will believe that his masculinity is proved by bedding women driving a high powered car for making lots of money underneath knows the truth. Of course, he is desperately afraid of being found out. He believes himself an imposter in the company of men and in this era in our society when we're trying to sort of look at the roles men play at a mask. They wear to have assertive better healthier Society. I highly recommend this book. It's another one that I've given this at this point probably like more than a hundred copies it like it's called under Saturn's Shadow the wounding and healing of men that James Hollis and James Hollis is a jungian psychoanalyst it amazing author who actually loves books so much had to be my therapist for a while and was literally like taking a college class. It's so good. It's not the easiest book to make it through but it's so dense with meaning with historical example with amazing quotes.

It really looks at a deep mythical psychological level of the struggles that the modern Superman faces attempts to put a framework around if it's so wonderfully full of wisdom. And I really don't see the sort of addressed a lot in a in a helpful useful non shaming self-understanding way. I was looking for another quote when I stumbled across this a little after the underlined in every page what father cannot access it himself cannot be passed on to his son such a good thing to think about it for the parents out there, like myself So Good mp3 a little part. I'm literally eternity random pages so much in here. It's just worth ruining all the time here at this Joseph Campbell Express. Did one can spend one's whole life climbing the ladder only to realize that it's been placed against the wrong wall for men to begin the process of healing. They must first risk being honest with themselves along the feeling. They think they can't afford.

They must admit they're not happy in spite of what they've achieved. They must admit they do not know who they are. And what they must do to save themselves too much to overcome his fear that block such thinking the fear that they will have to change their lives. If the emotional cat is left out of the bag and ultimately it's a book about start of self-examination and making sure you're not just running on these preset tracks that the culture has given you and really living out what's important to you or is Halle says it LOL and the scripture the book with this the Crux of the Middle Passage is the requirement that a man whatever is a gestation pull out of his reflexive behaviors and attitudes radically re-examine his life at risk living out to thunderous imperatives of his soul. So good highly recommended.

So what did James house is central idea since we have these two that we have is too fantastic Westwego on our life. One is the fastest immortality. The other one is a fantasy of the magical other and the latter is a heart because other book that I love which is the Eden project and then we get to subtitle here to Eden project in search of a magical other cashier Huber book. He just cuts the Corbett I'm going to live right now is one of my favorite quotes from it. It's so good. It's so good being an intimate relationship is a bit like asking someone to join hands with us, but only after walking across the field in which we have planted mine.

And another great quote and I think it's just captures the book. He writes the best thing we can do for our relationships with others is to render our relationship to ourselves more conscious. This is not a narcissistic activity. In fact, it will prove to be the most loving thing we can do for the other the greatest gift to others is their own best self test paradoxically if you are to serve relationship, well, we are obliged to affirm our individual Journey.

It's so good. And yes, it's just like the wisdom is Cheri Huber book and what about all these books whether it's sort of Pia mellody coming from inpatient Addiction Rehab or it's James Hollis coming from Young or Cheri Huber coming from Buddhism is the exact same wisdom tooth read all these books a different altogether. They're all telling the same thing. So go do it. Hey guys, this is Tim again. Just a few more things before you take off. Number one. This is five. Bullet Friday. Do you want to get a short email from and what do you enjoy getting ashore you up for me? Every Friday is that provides a little morsel of fun before the weekend and five bullet Friday the British short female Rideshare the coolest things I found or that I've been pondering over the week that could include favorite new albums that have discovered it could include gizmos and gadgets and all sorts of weird shit that I've somehow dug up back in the other world of the esoteric as I

It could include favorite artifice, but I've read and that I've shared with my close friends for instance and it's very short. It's just a little tiny bite of goodness before you head off for the weekend. So if you want to receive that check it out just going to four hour work week., That's four hour work week. Com all spelled out and just drop in your email and you will get the very next work if you sign up. I hope you enjoy.
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